Dear “Expert” Christians, Relax! I am on Level One with God
For the longest time, I only saw two sides to Christianity. The people labeled as “expert” Christians were defined by how many times they attended church, their in-depth knowledge of the word (the Bible), and how well they pray aloud. Then I saw what was called “the lost ones” aka the heathens that sin like there is no tomorrow, don’t attend church, or lack faith in a spiritual being or miracles because it defies human rationale.
For the longest time, I believed that there were only these two types of people and I was floating somewhere in between.
My early life
When I was younger I was taught to strive to be an “expert” Christian. Growing up in an African home, I was always taught to go to church every Sunday, read the Bible, sing hymns, and see my mom catch the holy ghost once a month at church. I remember Sunday church being an all-day event and leaving exhausted at sundown. I always felt like I was doing what I was told and following instructions.
As a youth, I somehow got wrapped into a youth church service and went to Bible studies and church on the weekends. I remember closing my eyes to pray and daydream losing my train of thought and pretending to feel the message.
Uncertainty with Christianity
As I grew older I began to take on daily activities and going to church fell to the waist side. On the holidays I would break into a panic if asked to pray over a meal and always found a way to lean on others.
As life started to happen I found people in my life suggesting to pray, but I didn’t know how so I went in search of a church. I found myself on a hunt looking for “my” church but none felt like I could be myself. For years I sporadically would take an invite to a church but nothing ever stuck.
Then one day I saw a friend on an Instagram story talking about speaking in tongues for the first time. It was great to see someone share that was new and a first for them. It was great to see someone not be what I considered an “expert” and share their experience for the first time. She spoke about how amazing her church was and I decided to tune in.
A place to call home
I remember sitting in my living room listening to the preacher. He was so relatable, cracking jokes, using pop culture references, and wearing sneakers. I was in shock that a church could be like this. I learned it was nondenominational and I was like wait a church can just praise God without a title or fitting into a bucket, that’s amazing. As life became harder, being unemployed and having no idea how I was going to pay my rent that month, I started to watch church a lot more and became invested in tuning in every Sunday.
Things started to get better in my life. I got a job and got out of debt. I thanked God like I never did before and was happy.
Introduction to fasting
Life continued to happen and a health issue made me question my existence. In a deep depression and on the verge of suicide I buried myself in social media to escape the struggles of the real world. Then one day, I saw my same friend sharing her daily stories of fasting. I began to research and realized I needed a cleansing, something drastic to get closer to God, to find healing. I decided to fast for my sanity and health.
On my second day of fasting, I asked for prayer from my friend and as I listened to her speaking on the phone my body began to shake. My shoulders were trembling. I had no idea what had happened. Tears ran down my face uncontrollably. It was the first time I truly felt the spirit within me. On the third day of fasting, I was listening to gospel music and began to sweat, sweat more than I had ever before. It happened again.
My 21-day fast turned into 83 DAYS of devoted prayer and time with God as I saw miracles I never thought possible.
My life began to change and I realized that I wanted to fast every year.
Religion vs Relationship with God
The following year right before my annual fast I realized that I was again just following instructions but was missing something. After a candid conversation with a stranger, I learned that I needed to work on building a relationship with God. I realized this entire time I was focused on religion (rituals, practices, etc) and that a relationship with God is something that had no rules, or boundaries, but is just a relationship between me and the Lord.
Now in year 3 of my annual fasting ritual, I write this article on my 8th day. I am a work in progress. I am reading the Bible from cover to cover for the first time digesting the word and decoding everything in it. I am opening my heart to the Lord through prayer and journaling. I am surrounding myself with Christian friends and mentors to begin this journey.
So for anyone that tries to question if I am an “expert” Christian I say this, “Building a relationship with God is your journey, it’s a spectrum where there is no right, wrong, perfect, or imperfect”. Or for short… “Relax! My journey has just begun and I am on Level One with God”.
